How Smart Men Date Smart.
The Date Smart Playbook for Men™ is a customized three-part strategic dating development plan and process with actionable tools, skill set, and practices that covers the entire dating process from making a memorable first impression to creating lasting love:
1. VISUAL IDENTITY
Update, tweak, or makeover: Style, fashion, fitness, wardrobe, manners, body language, home decor
2. KNOW YOURSELF
Take personal inventories to assess and develop emotional intelligence (self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy), and determine relational strengths, weaknesses, areas for improvement
3. DATING MANUAL
Tap into female psychology, neuroscience, love history, dating do’s and don’ts, ideal partner traits, online dating, vetting prospective partners, skillful communication, relational conflict, sustaining intimacy
In developing THE DATE SMART PLAYBOOK FOR MEN™, I diligently sought resources written just for men to better understand the pertinent issues and obstacles facing them as they dated in today's world. Here's what I found to be most relevant and informative:
- Research shows that men in happy, healthy, and secure relationships make more money, enjoy more intimacy, live longer, have better physical health, and less cognitive impairment later in life.
- Even though divorce rates are going down, they still hover around 42-45%; 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women. For ages 54-64, two-thirds are sought by women.*
- Self-aware men work on themselves. They want to identify and overcome patterns that caused past relationship distress. They want to look their best and be their best. They want to recognize the red flags in a potential relationship. They want to learn how to handle conflict with empathy and understanding. They strive to be outwardly successful and to be inwardly fulfilled.
- Men who lack self-awareness don’t work on themselves. They fail to look their best. They don’t seek help when facing relational issues. They dominate conversations or only talk about themselves. They post online dating profiles with minimal forethought. They dismiss a woman’s emotions or immediately try to fix them. They want to succeed in love but are unsure of what to do or how to go about it.
- Given how gender roles have shifted over the decades, men are often left confused by women's mixed messages. They wonder: "Should I provide and protect or give behind-the-scene-support? Do I simply listen or try to be her hero? How do I know what she really wants from me?"
- Men often don't seek help when dealing with relational issues. They rarely re-access their emotional, mental, and spiritual needs after experiencing a divorce, loss of a spouse, or relationship breakup.
- Society is moving toward a more balanced, gender-equal culture. When men apply masculine traits typical in the business world, namely–winning, power, control, non-emotion, toughness, self-reliance–to the dating and relational field, they can thwart establishing and sustaining true connection and intimacy.
- In his book, The Mask of Masculinity, Lewis Howes speaks extensively about various male masks: Stoic, Athlete, Material, Aggressive, Joker, Invincible, Know-It-All, and Alpha. These masks passed down through generations can greatly inhibit men.
- In today's evolving relational landscape, we need to rethink what culture and society communicate about masculinity and femininity, dropping the stereotypical attitudes that hinder developing healthy and secure relationships. Only when these outmoded mindsets are released can men and women truly see and love each other.
Drs. John and Julie S. Gottman, psychologists and authors of The Man's Guide to Women, share an insightful perspective:
"Men, you have the power to make or break a relationship. That's right. Research shows that what men do in a relationship is, by a large margin, the crucial factor that separates a great relationship from a failed one. This does not mean that women do not need to do their part, but the data proves that a man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship succeeds or fails, which is ironic since most relationship books are written for women. That's kind of like doing open heart surgery on the wrong patient."
The Date Smart Playbook for Men™ is the most in-depth strategic dating development plan and process a man will ever find to succeed in love. He'll date different, better, and wiser with less frustration, confusion, and disappointment.
Of course, I can't guarantee success, but I'll be right by a man's side as he works through this entire playbook.
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Source: * McKinley Irvin Family Law Blog, Divorce Source, Divorce Lawyers for Men