No. That is best left to professional match-makers. We believe however, that The Date Smart Playbook for Men makes men ‘best matches’.
They need to be more relational. This begins with strong self-awareness, emotional intelligence (EQ) and Conversational Intelligence ® (C-IQ). Understanding themselves and others are key to success in dating and building intimate relationships. Men can be strong and vulnerable at the same time.
Men in their mid-40s and beyond, but I’ve also worked with men in their 30s. They are divorced, widowed, or never married. Their dating efforts have been frustrating, resulting in limited return on their investment. High hopes have repeatedly turned into disappointment.
They do the work to uncover patterns of behavior or poor habits that have sabotaged past relationships.
Men in their mature years do not want to be alone as they enter life’s third chapter. They seek to be as successful in love as they have been in their careers. It just hasn’t happened.
They are open-minded, willing to learn, grow, and change; ready to move beyond past hurts and unresolved issues that have held them back from experiencing real love.
Few men give ample thought to how they’re being perceived online. Messaging is key. Every word and photo tells a story about who you are. An opinion is being formed in nano-seconds. The quality of your visual and verbal messaging is the linchpin to get noticed.
Too many men take selfies in the car, bedroom, or bathroom. Don’t do that! And ditch the sunglasses in your primary photo. Don’t post photos of younger years; women only care what you look like today.
I recommend photographers to showcase you in solo shots and activities that you enjoy (e.g. sports, volunteering, traveling, professional activities).
You must craft an image and message to match the kind of woman you seek. If you don’t self-brand mindfully, she’ll easily click or swipe right on someone else. I recommend writers to help you craft a personal message telling an authentic story of who you are and what you’re looking for in a match.
Remember: If perceptions are everything then everything in your online profile must count.
Men tend to talk about themselves too much. Huge mistake! Asking open-ended questions shows a woman you’re interested in her.
Here’s a few questions to naturally weave into conversations: “If you were invited to a costume party what outfit would you wear that depicted your personality?… If you had the opportunity to have dinner with anyone in the world, who would you pick and why?… When you were a little kid, what activities made you lose track of time?… What constitutes a perfect day?…What was it like to be a kid in your family?…How did you celebrate holidays?”
Google 36 Questions to Fall in Love; it’s a fascinating study.
Both men and women are visual creatures and your outer appearance really matters. Don’t look at this as being superficial; like it or not, it’s just how humans are wired. Look your best. Act your best. Be the best gentlemen possible. Impeccable manners will get noticed.
A first meet-up is best with coffee or drinks. Keep it simple. Sure, there can be exceptions, but maximize your dating dollars. With the wrong person a dinner date can seem like an eternity. Pick up the tab the first few dates. If she offers, kindly refuse.
Do not talk negatively about former relationships and partners. Frame past experiences positively (what you learned from the experience). Speaking of the word ‘ex’, replace with ‘former’. It’s way more respectful (even if you don’t quite feel it yet.)
We’ll set up a complimentary one hour face-to-face consultation at my office in Charlotte. If you are remote, FaceTime or Skype is an option. Be prepared to share openly about what’s happening in your life and how you want it to be different. I want this time to be informative, relaxing, a safe space to share, and even fun. All of our work is, of course, private and confidential.
I work on an hourly basis, which typically includes a retainer up front. I look for a natural partnership where we both feel we can work together as a team. I’m sure you want the same.
Coaching identifies behavioral-based issues that respond well to skill-based coaching. Therapy is best for difficult, deep, unresolved issues from the past. My work is ‘therapeutic’ but not therapy.
My education, training, and hard-won life experience supports me in knowing the difference between coaching and therapy. If the situation requires, I refer men to qualified therapists to work though past issues that coaching is unable to resolve.
Our Charlotte market offers a network of talented, highly qualified life style professionals, many of whom come personally recommended. They can include:
For online dating, photographers and writers are recommended to help you craft an authentic story of who you are and what you want to tell.
*Given my background in interior decorating, I consult on home decor and environment. However, if you need extensive interior design assistance, I refer that work.
I have access to the most recent relevant dating and relationship books, articles, and webinars.
For career, life, and business-related coaching, visit my other company, TheSelfConsultancy.com.
Learn the skills of being relational. Study women to understand them. Debunk the stereotype that men don’t read books, let alone books on relationships. Read them.
Eliminate three words from your vocabulary: Defend. Blame. Entitlement.
Tell her and show her that you love her.
Listen to her because she has important things to share. She needs you to see and hear her.
Be an equal in your partnership.
Touch her arms, tuck her hair behind her ears, grab her hand, and stroke her back.
Never forget that she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you and make sure she knows it. Tell her, just don’t assume she knows this.
Help her soar by encouraging her dreams and aspirations; ask about them.
Draw her bath water. It’s the little things that can count the most (and sometimes they save the day)!
Kiss her for 6-seconds often during the day. Make it a habit.
Take turns arranging date night. Initiative is key.
Send her flowers for no reason.
When you give her a card, for any reason, always write a personal note. Not a novel, just a few simple sentences.
Put your ego aside and need to be right. It’s so not worth it. We all have limited time here. Let your actions reflect this.
And never forget: LOVE IS EVERYTHING!