No. That is best left to professional match-makers. The net result of a man working through The Date Smart Playbook for Men™ is that he is well-prepared to meet a prospective match presented by the match-making company. This should place him in the position of being a highly desirable candidate for matches.
Women want men to be more relational. Men can be strong and vulnerable at the same time.
Developing Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a key variable that plays a significant role in how relationships grow and sustain over time. It consists of self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills.
EQ is the capacity to notice and identify your emotions and the emotions of others, while regulating reactions and responses.
And the good news is that EQ is 100% learnable.
Developing high levels of emotional intelligence is also an asset in a man’s business life. Strong leaders and performers tend to have higher levels of EQ.
Men range in age from 40s to 70s, but I’ve also worked with younger men.
Regardless of age, my clients are looking for a long-term partnership which is reflected in their attitude and maturity.
Men in their mature years do not want to be alone as they enter life’s third chapter.
Most are divorced or widowed; some have never married.
Their dating efforts have been frustrating, resulting in limited return on their investment. High hopes have repeatedly turned into disappointment.
They’re open-minded and willing to do the inner work to uncover patterns of behavior or poor habits that have sabotaged past relationships and kept them from experiencing real love.
Few men give ample thought to how they’re being perceived online. Messaging is key.
Every word and photo tells a story about who you are. An opinion is being formed in nano-seconds.
The quality of your visual and verbal messaging is the linchpin to get noticed.
Too many men take selfies in the car, bedroom, or bathroom. Don’t do that! And ditch the sunglasses and ball cap in your primary photo.
Don’t post photos of younger years; women only care what you look like today.
Keep photos of friends and family members at a minimum, if at all.
I recommend showcasing you in solo shots and activities that you enjoy (e.g. sports, volunteering, traveling, professional activities).
You must create an image and message to match the type of woman you seek. If you don’t self-brand mindfully, she’ll easily click or swipe on someone else.
When writing your profile, act as if you’re telling an authentic story to ‘the one’ you ultimately wish to meet.
Remember: If perceptions are everything then everything in your online profile must count.
Both men and women are visual creatures and your outer appearance really matters. Don’t look at this as being superficial; like it or not, it’s just how humans are wired.
Look your best. Act your best. Be the best gentlemen possible. Impeccable manners will get noticed.
A first meet-up is best with coffee or drinks. Keep it simple. Sure, there can be exceptions, but maximize your dating dollars.
With the wrong person a dinner date can seem like an eternity. Pick up the tab the first few dates. If she offers, kindly refuse.
DO NOT talk negatively about former relationships and partners. Frame past experiences positively (what you learned from the experience).
Refrain from using the word ‘ex’ and replace with ‘former’. It’s way more respectful (even if you don’t quite feel it yet.)
Master the balance of asking and telling. Men can tend to dominate the conversation or only talk about themselves. They don’t engage her by asking questions. Women complain about this a lot!
A man may catch himself, and say, “Hey, that’s enough about me. Let’s focus on you” but minutes later he returns to talking, missing the opportunity to engage her.
Asking open-ended questions shows a woman you’re interested in her. Here’s some questions to naturally weave into conversations:
What are you most like and why: A sketchbook or blueprint? A kayak or a speed boat? A candle or a firecracker?
If you were invited to a costume party what would you wear that matched your personality?
If you had the opportunity to have dinner with anyone in the world, who would you pick and why?
When you were a little kid, what activities made you lose track of time?
If you were to teach a college course, what would you teach?
What was it like to be a kid in your family?
How did you celebrate holidays?
What’s the gutsiest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again?
Google 36 Questions to Fall in Love; it’s a fascinating study.
Am I aware of how I come across to women?
How effective am I in managing my emotions and honoring the emotions of others?
Am I really able to hear constructive feedback without taking it personally?
What are my core needs and values?
What has derailed dating in the past?
If I invited a woman over to my home for dinner, does my home and environment reflect who I am?
Am I ‘relationship ready’?
When was the last time I updated my ‘look’?
Can I detect the love-fog-of-infatuation and waving red flags?
How will I know that she’s the one?
I work on a retainer and offer a variety of packages outlining the services offered. Assessments and out-of-pocket expenses would be added. I look for a natural partnership where we both feel we can work together as a team. I’m sure you want the same.
Coaching identifies behavioral-based issues that respond well to skill-based coaching. Therapy is best for difficult, deep, unresolved issues from the past. My work is ‘therapeutic’ but not therapy.
My education, training, and hard-won life experience supports me in knowing the difference between coaching and therapy.
If the situation requires, I refer men to qualified therapists to work though past issues that coaching is unable to resolve.
Our Charlotte market offers a network of talented, highly qualified life style professionals, many of whom come personally recommended. They can include:
Hair stylists, eye wear providers, wardrobe consultants, jewelers
Personal trainers, weight management, nutritionists, massage therapists
Skin care, plastic surgeons, hair replacement, cosmetic dentistry
Manners, etiquette, social consultants
For online dating, photographers and writers are recommended, should you be interested, to help you craft an authentic story of who you are and what you want to tell.
*Given my background in interior decorating, I consult on home decor and environment. However, if you need extensive interior design assistance, I refer that work.
I have access to the most recent relevant dating and relationship books, articles, and webinars.
For career, life, and leadership advisory and coaching, visit my other company: TheSelfConsultancy.com.
Debunk the stereotype that men don’t read books on relationships. Read them.
Eliminate three words from your vocabulary: Defend. Blame. Justify.
Tell her and show her that you love her.
Listen to her because she has important things to share. She needs you to’ see and hear’ her.
Be an equal in your partnership.
Touch her arms, tuck her hair behind her ears, grab her hand, and stroke her back.
Never forget that she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you and make sure she knows it. Tell her; don’t assume she knows this.
Help her soar by encouraging her dreams and aspirations; ask about them.
Draw her bath water. It’s the little things that can count the most (and sometimes they save the day)!
Kiss her for 6-seconds often during the day. Make it a habit.
Take turns arranging date night. Initiative is key.
Send her flowers for no reason.
When you give her a card, for any reason, always write a personal note. Not a novel, just a few simple sentences.
Reach for her hand when she’s afraid. She needs to feel emotionally and physically safe.
Learn from dating and relationship mistakes. Don’t repeat them.
Put your ego aside and need to be right. It’s so not worth it. We all have limited time here. Let your actions reflect this.
And never forget: LOVE IS EVERYTHING!